My Friends Are Now Doing Adult Things — Like Getting Married and Having Kids
Reflecting on how childhood naiveties evolve as we navigate the milestones of adulthood.
I was in my final year when Uzo, my childhood friend, announced she was getting married. It came as a surprise to everyone. I remember wondering why so early, because, even though I’d been thrust into a world where sophomore girls barely 20 were tying the knot to men twice their age every other week, I was taken aback to see my friend starting on what seemed like the same path. But Uzo wasn’t. She was getting married to KC, a young man her age with whom she’d fallen in love during their studies.
The decision of this young couple to get married turned out to be unpopular with most people. But as soon as it became clear there was no holding them back from venturing into the realm of forever after together, everyone who mattered acquiesced and gave their blessings.
Soon it was the wedding day.
“It is better for her to marry than to be jumping upandan,” I caught one woman whispering to the lady beside her. Both were middle-aged, clad in white blouses and partly faded matching wrappers. They seemed chatty and lost in a long stream of unending gossip. I assumed they were friends.
I’d traveled from school with some mutual friends to bear witness to Uzo tying the knot, and even though we were younger than many of the others seated under the canopy, that wasn’t enough to signal to these garrulous women that we could be friends with either of the couple. Maybe it did, but it was obvious they didn’t care. So, we absorbed as much as we could. They chatted away, and we listened gleefully, eager to divulge everything we’d heard to Uzo almost as soon as the ceremony ended.
But Uzo didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that she’d said “I do” to the man of her dreams, a concept I remember struggling to understand at the time.
Nothing else may have mattered to Uzo at that moment, but everything did to me. I had all the bandwidth in the world to worry about things like why those women said what they did and fewer thoughts to spare to internalize still foreign concepts like forever after or one true love.
Looking back, it’s funny how adulthood creeps up on you. There’s no definitive moment when you suddenly become an adult; it’s more like a series of small steps. One day, you’re skipping classes to hang out with friends, and the next, you’re showing up to weddings as a groomsman or attending baby showers and housewarmings. The shift happens so quietly that you don’t even realize it until you’re standing in the middle of it, wondering when things got so serious. It’s a bittersweet realization — knowing that while we’ve gained so much, we’ve also left behind a version of ourselves that was simpler, less burdened by the weight of responsibility.
It took a while for me to get used to the fact that Uzo was now married —but that happened seven years ago. The whole gang has had plenty of time to catch up. Now, getting married isn’t a big deal anymore. Almost nothing is. My friends are now doing adult things like getting married, having kids, and building houses, and the feeling that comes with the news isn’t so strange anymore.
But where did all that time go — and my naivety with it?
My bosom friend Christian and his beautiful wife Amaka gave me the best birthday gift I could’ve hoped for this year. They welcomed their bundle of joy a day earlier and wished to surprise me with the news of being his godfather on my day. Sweet, baby Jesus!
Christian says he still struggles with accepting he’s now a daddy responsible for a tender life, and I, too, struggle with him. I remember our days of navigating the streets of Ifite semi-aimlessly in search of what to eat and a purpose. And now, we’ve skipped all that for our daddy era. Where did all that time go?
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As I look ahead, I wonder what the future holds for all of us. Will we still be as close when careers, kids, and the demands of everyday life take center stage? Or will life’s demands pull us in different directions? I’d like to think we’ll find a way to stay connected, even as the milestones continue to come. We’ve been through a lot together, so what’s a little more life experience added to the mix? Even if things change, I believe the bonds we’ve built will remain strong.
For now, though, I’m content to be in this moment celebrating love, life, and friendship. There’s something comforting about being here, between what was and what’s to come. It’s a reminder that life is as much about the journey as it is about the destination. Today isn’t about what happens next; it’s about being present, appreciating the people who’ve been with me along the way, and looking forward to the paths we’ll cross together in the years ahead.
…
As I stand at the edge of the altar watching my two dear friends, Jennifer and Kelechi, get married today, all I can do is wonder: When and how did things change so fast? Who gets us ready for things like this? How do we know we’re ready for the change?
But as I watch them exchange vows, I’m struck by how effortlessly they seem to embrace this next chapter. Maybe that’s the secret — we’re all just winging it, figuring it out as we go along. And maybe that’s okay. Life doesn’t come with a manual, and perhaps no one is ever truly ready for these milestones. We just grow into them, one uncertain step at a time.
So here’s to all of us — finding our way, one unpredictable day at a time.
