The Nigerian God Gives Peace Free Of Charge.
He’s the Author of peace and lover of concord, of course He doesn’t appreciate hassling, neither does He encourage long, hard talks between aggrieved parties. Just go to Him on bended knees. Call on His name. He’ll come running to grant any request, soothing all your pains away.
While at it, don’t forget to remind Him to maim Mama Ada, the neighbor that quarreled with you in public two days ago because you wouldn’t stop cozying up to her husband in her absence. She’d warned you to steer clear, but who was she to tell you who you should and shouldn’t talk to? Table it before the God of vengeance, I’m sure He can do something about her.
Since our God is already angry, and still in the mood to deal with all your enemies, you can use the opportunity to tell Him to strike down with fire (or ‘thunder’) every short lady with hips the size of a hippopotamus that’s been giving your son greenlight at work, because as your diokpala he’s got to be completely shielded from the eyes of the evil ones, especially those pretending to have a heart of gold, yet come in very brief packages.
Don’t worry about bugging the Nigerian God with prayer requests, that can never happen. He’s omniscient and extremely potent, not like your husband who left his most basic duty to his randy younger brother.
At the end, make sure to sign out of your session with the sign of the cross, in His name, that of His son, and Their shared Spirit. I can assure you all three are listening, and will grant you the happiness you so desperately seek, because He’s still on the throne, and a great lover of peace.
- Arinze Talius Dike.
#TheSummarizer
